Why am I doing this?

Most of my blog posts are fairly anodyne, 'I did this on my bike, I hurt that muscle, ooooh wasn't my heart-rate high' - that kinda thing. I thought it was about time to balance things and try to put into words why I'm doing the ride and what it means for me to be able to do it.


I'll tackle the 'why' first...


I am principally doing it for two charities, Macmillan and GOSH and I have put my reasons for this on my justgiving pages, suffice to say that I have done it for people who have touched me in their lives...


Maisie - article here
Amber (whom I never met) - article here by her sister, Jay
My Dad - a huge influence in my life who I have previously cycled London to Paris in memory of - here


For me though it is about giving back - making a difference, reaching out to friends and family and showing someone cares, someone cares enough to give up 2 weeks of their lives to try to make their lives better, or to say, 'do you know, I still remember you.'


The other part is really what it does for me. I have had a couple of people suggest to me, I think unfairly, that the ride is about 'my ego', about 'look at me'. Although both backtracked to a degree, I don't believe there's generally smoke without fire, and it got me thinking - despite some peoples' view of me I am fairly introspective. I definitely think there is something about me doing the ride which is about me.


Let me explain.


I'm 36 years old, 5 ft 9, 13 st 10 lbs - at least a stone and a half (if not more) overweight. I have never been *fit*. I don't enjoy the gym. I don't *really* enjoy exercise. BUT I am competitive. I have always had an inate desire to win, despite being rubbish at most sports. Indeed the only thing I ever won at school were form prizes and the Scrabble competitions. 


[Incidentally I have a bit of a thing about being a 'nearly' man, I was Deputy Head of Ely Scheme at school, I 'nearly' sold my company at the peak of the market, I was NATIONAL SCRABBLE RUNNER UP (Under 14s)]. 


I am giving you this context as to a part of the reason I'm doing it - although nowadays everyone's doing it right, we all get a bit of 'charity-fatigue'. How many times are you emailed 'Jon is running a half marathon, please contribute' messages? I know I get at least one or two a month and I always give - yes I can afford to, but similarly I think I understand what it takes for someone to take a challenge on however big or small. I think the other reason, aside from the charitable one that I am doing this, is to see if I can...to challenge myself.


I am now going to try to put into context what I think it means for me to take this challenge on. 


You see a lot of people cycling JOGLE or LEJOG. Most are club cyclists, ie they go to a club once a week or more and regularly ride 30 miles +. Most are younger than me, all are fitter, lighter, and invariably better looking. I believe that if London to Paris was, for me, the equivalent of running a marathon (bearing in mind I was 10 lbs lighter and 3 years younger), then JOGLE is like running three. Back to back. Whilst pregnant.


So I'd ask you to think of this...When you see superfit athletes tackle Everest or cycle across Europe, or TV personalities with personal trainers conquering Kilimanjaro and they raise hundreds of thousands of pounds, are their achievements (with some notable exceptions, John Bishop, Chris Moyles, David Walliams (every time)), greater than mine? Is mine greater than theirs? The simple answer is it is not as simple as that. They use their fame for good and for that I admire them. I don't have that fame (and nor do I want it), but I do want to make as much money as I can for the charities, but my biggest fear is not finishing the ride. I have to finish. Every ounce of my being wants to finish...I have rides where I feel a muscle tweak slightly, my knee hurt, or as some of you may recall I had the time when I couldn't walk for four days due to a problem with my foot. When I get these aches and pains I don't think about the pain, weird that eh?, I think about not being able to finish. When I do my route plan I look at the hills and think the same - can I get up them? 


I'll tell you what keeps me going, and why I will finish - people contacting me saying they've read the blog, and I can do it, people believing in me; people donating, so far we've raised nearly £3,200 + Gift Aid, can we get to £5,000!?; and even the odd person out there saying I inspired them to do something. 


That's why I'm doing this. My belief on a number of levels is that I can make a difference. A difference to others, a difference to the causes I'm supporting, and a difference to me.


There...We got there in the end.


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